Career pivots and community protection: Palefire shares guide to losing control

Palefire is at a turning point. When I sit down with twenty-two year old Jacqui Torres in her Denton, TX apartment, she is just about to head off on tour. Her debut LP full heart, big empty eyes is set for release on streaming (July 16th) after a whirlwind run exclusively on Bandcamp. Self-written, recorded, and produced, the confessional indie project has given her a name locally and transformed her career - one she is ready to take full control of.

Yellow Light Mag: Tell me a little about your origin story as a musician.

Palefire: I didn't come from a musically inclined family. My sister played cello for a month and then she hated it. I really begged the strings teacher, who was only taking in four students that year, if I could join. And he was like, "Sure, just stay longer than your sister did." Then I fell in love with it. That was the very last leg of fifth grade.

YLM: So you played all throughout middle school?

Palefire: My middle school experience was me searching up high schools like Victorious. I found one in downtown Dallas that was 30 minutes away from me. When sixth grade started, I told my org teacher, "I want to go to this specific school." He got me connected to string musicians and the Dallas Symphony, and then I joined a program that the Dallas Symphony paid for. They paid for my lessons and my cello that I still have today.

I did end up going to the arts high school, and they gifted me the cello case I have today. All the summer intensives, all my lessons and my instruments were paid for by the Dallas Symphony.

YLM: You went to college briefly for cello?

Palefire: Yeah, it was for cello at Boston Conservatory. Well, that's the thing. I dropped out at the very beginning of the school year. I had run into three friends that summer. All of them had went to [Boston Conservatory]. Two of them lived in New York. The other lived back at home in Dallas.And they were all three like, "I spent 150K on tuition, and I'm a bartender now." That totally turned me off, and it felt like a sign. I had a big scholarship, but it wasn't enough, of course. And my family just own a small business.

YLM: So then you came back to Texas?

Palefire: Yeah I went back to my mom's house in the DFW area. When I was in school in Boston, I did  a long-distance relationship. And then as soon as I got back, we broke up. We were together for five years. That’s a story your best friend will probably tell your kids and you’ll be really embarrassed about.

YLM: You got back to Texas but it was still a fresh start because you were leaving things behind even at home.

Palefire: It honestly felt like it was a thing I was supposed to do, but it didn’t feel good in the moment. Boston was supposed to be my fresh start. So to end that abruptly and come back home a year later, it was like, "Oh, okay, I just had my fresh start, but now this is happening. Like, am I supposed to go back? Am I supposed to stay here? How do I want to work that out?" It was a really confusing time.

YLM: How did you find the music community back in Texas? Did you have one before you left and then you kind of came back, or you found it after you returned?

Palefire: I never really had a, like— I was in the classical community. So I knew all the classical people, but I did not know any of the DIY scene or the, the screamo, the tweemo, the pop. The indie rock scene. So I dipped my toes into the shoegaze scene first through my boyfriend now, Echo, and his band that I was in.

YLM: You're in Denton now. Where's your home base for playing gigs?

Palefire: My home base is Denton. We play some Dallas and Austin shows too.We have our friends there, but this is our home base.

YLM: Can you give me a little peek into what the community is like there?

Palefire: Yeah, we do a lot of shows together. We're very collaborative too. Some of us do split singles. Denton is so small. You’ll see your bandmate's ex being a barista at the local coffee shop or your best friend's bandmate walking across the street. But I love them, and they're great people. It's nice to just go to dive bars together or go to each other's gigs, buy each other's merch. Even if someone has a problem with another person, there's still cordiality and respect.

YLM: Anyone that you'd want to shout out, specifically for Yellow Light readers to check out?

Palefire: Yeah, shout out Paper Jam. They’re a great band, and they invited me on this West Coast tour. They also just got signed, and should be releasing their second album soon.

YLM: Tell me about the project you released this spring. 

Palefire: It's a collection of songs that I wrote within the past year that dives into themes of grief - mourning my best friend and my uncle who I was very close with, and breakups, and people that you can't stand, but you're around them. It ranges from folk to jangle pop to indie rock.

YLM: You do most of your producing, if not all of it, yourself, right?

Palefire: 95% it's me.The other 5% is Echo. I use Ableton then we process everything through a four-track machine.

YLM: What would you want other artists in their 20s who are pivoting to know?

Palefire: Go with the flow. Have fun losing control. Make friends with everybody, but have strong inner boundaries. Know how or when or who to speak up to.

YLM: What are you most excited about for the tour?

Palefire: The scenery, and also meeting the bands that I'm going to be playing with. This past tour, I feel like I made the mistake of not enjoying where I was as much as I could have. And also, maybe not being as proud of my music. I want to be able to feel proud of what I'm doing. I want [touring] to devour my life at one point, so I have got to make it work.

YLM: What’s your yellow light at the moment?

Palefire: The theme of dealing with people.I'm locally getting bigger and doing more things, so more people know about me. I've been dealing with a lot of learning about people, either in my scene or locally. So many people don't have strong inner boundaries, so then they let these people in. There are feelings of uncomfortableness right now and it's like, how can you shift your mindset? How can you still build community, still have strong inner boundaries, but not completely isolate yourself from the community you want to keep loving and nurturing? We need to keep the community safe for everyone. 

Catch Palefire on tour here